Wrap-Up: (Post #200)

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Greetings and happy Thursday my tenderly twisted raconteurs, (do I really have to tell you guys to look it up, again? I mean come on – google gets lonely). Well, we’re here – the final days of the incessantly persistent week, and as always we await the alcoholic trickle of freedom down our happy holes, (Ha! #HappyHoles.) 

Post #200

Before we get into whatever it is that I usually do here, I’d like to acknowledge, (repetitively, because, you know, the title and all) that this post marks the two-hundredth time I’ve drifted into this particular medium of madness.

Now, I won’t do anything ridiculous for the milestone, (I’m saving the drug orgy for #1000) but I will say this – it’s been an honor to be able to write this blog and I will continue to do my best to provide you guys – with an insight into my Road to the Mastery of the Craft. (By the way, that’s what the site’s about – it’s not all sarcasm and butt jokes….


“Okay, it’s mostly that… but still” – Seriously though (kinda),

I want to thank ALL of you (new and old – but mostly the older ones), for your support, likes, comments, follows, shares, and continued loyalty, without you guys – I would have given up a long time ago, (I actually mean that).

You all have given me the steam to chase my goals – and the belief I needed to relentlessly do so. I’m not one for mushiness (except for pie, because FUCK YEA! PIE!), so I’ll end with this, thank you all from the bottom of the hole in my chest cavity where my heart used to be, (I sold it for pie. Because, FUCK YEA! PIE!). I hope you all continue this journey with me – and I’ll see you in the bedroom (you sexy beast you).

Now, that I’m all moist, let’s get into it.


Now, as most of you know, I’m not really one for themes, but given that I’ve spent a nice chunk of this week focusing on some random steps in the process of writing a novel – it seemed fitting to wrap-up the trend, with, well, a Wrap-Up.

Picture this – you’ve done all of the heavy-lifting. The end of your literary track is almost here. You know: how the story’s going to end, you’ve wrapped up the plot holes, the characters are all where they need to be, and you keep glancing at the celebratory bottle of (insert something with an alcohol content).

Suddenly, you hit a wall. For some reason, the ending isn’t satisfying. You keep thinking that the next sentence will be the one – but it’s just not quite perfect. This is called authorial separation anxiety, ( yes, I did make that up, now shut up. I’m tryna’ learn ya’).

The problem with writing a novel, (other than the whole “going crazy” of it all), is that often times we just don’t know when to say “when”. The more time that we put into writing it, the harder it becomes to actually know when it’s done. We look back to past chapters, we add unnecessary detail, we question creative decisions -that we’d been certain of weeks or even hours prior. When you hit this point – do yourself a favor – close the laptop.

When you hit this state, you’re no better than an emotional parent sending your child off to school. Sure, you want to see your offspring progress (“But just not so soon”). Trust me, (in both cases), the sooner you let go – the better. In the case of the author (the real victim here), the reason that you (should) stop is because you are oversaturated with knowledge of the story. The minor details that you may seek to change – would likely go unnoticed to the virgin eye. Trust your creative instincts, walk away, and save the clean-up for the editing process (a recommended 6-8 weeks later).

(Speaking of Wrap-Up, this is getting a little long),

To streamline my point, I’ll end on this – allow your project to be done when it’s done and leave it alone for a while. It can be tempting to obsess over the small errors – but I assure you that you’d be doing greater harm by over editing, over-thinking, or otherwise perverting the message of your story ( *1920’s copper voice* “Drop the baby!”). Take a five, find a hobby, (or more importantly a sex-buddy), and come back with fresh eyes – you’ll thank yourself for it.

For those interested in going a little deeper into this, May I recommend the links below:

So You Wanna Be A Writer: 10 To-Do’s From A Sociopath

So You (Still) Wanna Be A Writer: 10 (More) To-Do’s From a Sociopath

Not to be self-serving, but it’s solid advice – written in a way that’s easy to digest. (Yea, that’s right… DIGEST IT!!!!)

Alright, my soldiers of fortune, it’s time to reel in the ol’ rod here (#Giggity). A new episode of The Writer’s Block Podcast tomorrow – I hope that you all check it out and enjoy. Also, feel free to check out past episodes – (like, comment, share, fondle it gently – all that good stuff).

Once again, thanks to all of you who’ve been sticking it out with me, and I hope that we just keep building. Now, an undeservedly braggadocious goodbye.

#200!!!!! BEOTCHES!!!!!,

-Antwan Crump.

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