Dear World

Please Kill Me,

This may not come as a surprise, but I’m not that great with people. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a human being, so naturally, I’ve been privy to one social ecosystem or another.

Over the course of my 20’s, it’s become increasingly difficult for me to relate. Maybe it’s the odd profession. Maybe it’s underexposure. Maybe it’s just a consequence of age. Who knows? My point is that society has become somewhat foreign to me.

In this current age (To be called: Phase 2 of the A.I. ascension) it’s easy for someone to get away with societal disconnection. And why shouldn’t we? Generally speaking, we haven’t been exiled, wronged, or traumatized by it.

Similarly, there’s no real border keeping us from the great beyond known as personal connection and outdoor activity. It’s mostly a choice. It’s also well-facilitated by where we are as a culture. In some ways, it is the culture. Indoors. Far away. Altogether disconnected.

With that being said, I’ve noticed yet another trend. As our lives continue to travel and morph with the digital terrain, personalities have undergone a pretty severe restructuring. It’s almost as if we’ve become caricatures of ourselves. Exaggerated claims. Visceral arguments. Misrepresentation (usually a consequence of the two). Etc.

It was a little staggering to me when I first took notice. I’d been working for some years straight and never really had time to engage in social media. As of late, I’ve decided to dip my toe in, just to make sure that I could still understand the language of posts and comments.

Gone were the well-thought ideas and fact-based rebuttals. Gone was the (once instinctual) curiosity of the people and willingness to converse. Gone was any hint of objective discussion. It was just “RAH! RAH! RAH!” back and forth, forth and back, then back again. Admittedly, I was lost. Not be deterred, I poured a drink and dove in. Things got a little spotty after that.

A couple of arguments. A couple of likes. A few new follows and (of course) a few euphoric ‘shutdowns’ of opinions that I didn’t share. All at once, I was hooked and disgusted with myself.

Not to say there’s anything wrong with social media, I just wasn’t prepared for the avalanche of self-loathing that followed any time I was actively engaged. I wasn’t used to the addictive nature of waiting for a response. Even now, it’s hard for me to resist opening a new tab to get my fix. No, I didn’t sleep well. To make things worse, I didn’t get much work done (I’ll blame the gin for that).

So, here I am. An outlier at an impasse. Wondering what the decision shall be. Wondering where we’ll go and how we’ll get there. Wondering if I may be damned to a life too far removed or too actively engaged with the evolving times. (Wondering if that A-hole responded to my #SickBurn yet.)

The one thing that I know for sure, is that whatever I’m doing, it’s likely to be alone. Though I suppose, if everyone’s doing the same, I may not be as far removed as I thought.

Until Next Time,

– Antwan Crump