Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Starting a new project is always jarring…

After spending days, weeks, months, and/or years (God help us) diving headfirst into meaningful work, the departure can feel like shipping your child off to college (…or, for the non-breeding, anti-birthers cackling at the idea, it’s akin to moving out of your parents’ basement… #NoShade).

We spend all of that time and effort banging our heads against the wall, choosing the right words and phrases, naming, sketching, strategizing, editing, beating our heads against the other three walls, and then finally settling for something acceptable and often less than perfect— ‘less than perfect’ but as good as we can get it on our own. Then, suddenly **POOF**. It’s gone. Done. Out of our hands. Riding off into the sunset with the bad-boy or goth-girl that we hope won’t break their delicate heart. 

Afterward, we sit there—empty nesters (…or without a nest at all). Dreading the future and wondering how to define ourselves without the work that has chewed up a chunk of time we won’t get back. It’s a harrowing experience—one that non-creatives often avoid if they can. It’s no wonder they see us as kind of crazy. “Who the hell volunteers for perpetual heartache?” Cultivators. That’s who. 

Like farmers who harvest their crops, teachers who swap students, or Taylor Swift’s former dating life, *CHANGE* is an integral part of the creative process. To say farewell to our former skins as we seek the *NEW New*. The next skin. The next phase. The next obsession that will help us get over the last. Not a rebound, but a REBIRTH.

That, in essence, is what creators are (…though some never truly get past their initial obsession and instead ride those imminently stale coattails until the cows come home to milk and moo (looking at you, Ghost of Harper Lee)). Assuming that you won’t write the genre-defining, world-turning, perspective-resetting classic (…just for shits and giggles…) the questions upon completion—and hopefully rest—are pretty obvious:

Q1: What do I do now that the thing is done?

Q2: How do I know which next idea is worthwhile??

Q3: What if it’s not as good/deep/real/accessible/etcetera???

If I may, I’d like to answer those annoying ass inquiries in the order that I’ve self-asked them (…because I’m totally not schizophrenic AT ALL… “WHO SAID THAT?!?!?!”)

Q1: What do I do now that the thing is done?

A1: Celebrate the win of completion. There are millions of writers out there who haven’t gotten as far as typing a word they’d wish to keep and millions of others who’ve never gotten to the bright side of the tunnel.

Editing aside, take solace in the fact that you’ve done something that less than 1% of all humans that’ve ever existed have accomplished. When you’re done blowing yourself (…and perfecting your previous obsession…) it’s time to surf the seas of circumstance and find the next narrative drug that will consume your life while fulfilling your soul.

Well done! Get the hell back to work. 

Q2: How do I know which next idea is worthwhile??

A2: You won’t. Like most of the things we manifest from the cascading toboggan that is our thoughts, we don’t truly know if something is worth doing until we KNOW. That seeking, finding, poking, and prodding is part of the fun (…or should be, if you don’t see it that way…) and can be enjoyed as such. Allow your mind to wander. Chase the dragon of creativity. Purchase your drug of choice and traverse the darkness until you find light.

Just as you have done before, you’ll know when you know…I suppose you don’t have to do drugs. I hear good things about meditation, but WHERE’S THE FUN IN THAT?!?! (…personally, I don’t respect anyone who hasn’t lost complete control of their lives for a little while, but that’s just me…). Anyway, SEEK OUT ADVENTURE!!!

Find a storm to conquer!!!

Q3: What if it’s not as good/deep/real/accessible/etcetera???

A3: Shut up… just SHUT UP! Here’s a little secret about the creative world, realm, porta-potty of dreams and nightmares: NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING. There is no certainty. There is no guarantee. There is no secret sauce or motion potion that will lead to absolute success. What there IS is THE WORK.

The more you make, the more you hone your craft, and the more you allow yourself to stretch beyond that previous peak—the better chance you have of achieving something deeper, realer, better, and grander. That’s it. You can spend all day worried about a hypothetical failure or grow the balls and/or ovaries required to trudge through shit until you reach success (#HarshButTrue).

That worry is nothing more than a distraction. A waste of energy that would be better spent in productive uncertainty. So celebrate the little victories and learn to embrace the chaos… Your next obsession and adventure is in the wilderness, not the clearing.

Until Next Time,

—Antwan Crump

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Kwame Nyong’o is trapped between worlds…

In the streets of New York, he faces the harsh, material realities of a modern city. However, in his blood lies an ancient duty: a spiritual calling passed down through generations, marked by vivid visions, recurring dreams, and violent seizures. Under the demanding guidance of his eccentric Uncle Mosi, Kwame is trained to navigate his visions and wield the tools of his ancestral mantle… but legacy doesn’t pay the bills.

***SPOILERS***

Desperate to ease his family’s mounting financial and medical burdens, Kwame uses his gifts for profit—the consequences are swift and profound. As supernatural forces threaten to destroy his life, Kwame must expel his demons while paying the price for warping his soul.

From the author of Apostate, Butterflies, and The Suicide Pod, Veal explores the intersection of the modern and the ancient, weaving an intense and unforgettable narrative that’s sure to leave a scar. For fans of Black Mirror, urban fantasy, and psychological horror.