Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Greetings and happy almost Friday my sultry authors of trite and malcontent, (I know, I’ve completely given up on alliteration…shut up, I’m busy). As always, I hope the week is treating you as tenderly as a gorilla would treat a kitten –

Image result for gorilla with pet kitten

Failing that, I hope that at the very least it makes more sense than their demon offspring will. (Why can’t I ever just leave it nice?). Anyway –

Thrust, (zip your pants back up, I’m not talking about that kind). So I’ve made some changes to the ol’ lifestyle in the past few days. Some of the transitions were easy, (i.e. – more organization, scheduling work times, a better balance of responsibilities). Others were more difficult. (i.e. – everything I just named plus sleeping and eating properly). I’ll be honest I have no idea. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

In a wild attempt to dramatically and, (more importantly) quickly reinvigorate and/or effectively jump-start my life, (from the tedious slums of artistic woe, into one of more consistent reward and result)- I’ve been slamming the fingers to the keyboard, researching my ass off, and (realistically) I’ve probably also taken a few days off of my life (working to a exhaust has it’s definite downsides. Upside is I’ve stayed sane *twitches slightly* ).

By no means am I saying that this method is what’s best for everyone – but for my particular life right now – the only way that I will achieve any sort of definitive change is through tireless and sickening work ethic, (if for no other reason than for the change my daily habits will innately create).

I’m running from the rut, people. Staring down the barrel of a completed book , I’m beginning to understand that I will have to repeat that process for years to come – in order to survive without the soul-sucking trials of the standard 9-5. (Once again, I’m not knocking it – it’s just not for me.)

So I must work to push the Twan-train (yes, Twan-train – don’t judge me), onto a more suitable and permanent track. I suppose the real fear here is –complacency post-accomplishment – I mean isn’t anyone else scared shitless of the day you wake up and realize that you’ve been in that “just-for-now” job for ten years? That moment may as well be a part of my superhero origin story. I refuse to be that person, (once again- you do you though).

Frazzled or not. Exhausted, weak, mentally bent, physically ill, emotionally destitute: I’m willing to give whatever it takes to have that moment where I can lay back and revel in my success, knowing that I’d done it without compromise. I mean …. I’m an artist. So are you? Back me up on this … isn’t that our –ride into the sunset- moment? I hope so, because if not- I’ve misread A LOT of things.  (Though I suppose we’ve gotten some kick-ass gorilla /kitten pictures out of it , so #NotATotalLoss.)

In any case, I’m going in the direction that calls to me. I guess the take away here is – if you do that, you’ll never be lost.

Writer’s Block Podcast tomorrow, Recap on Saturday, thanks to all of you who pulled through this long week with me, I’ll get some rest this weekend and be back to my spritely spiteful self on Monday. (Ha Ha !!! You see? Even the alliteration’s coming back!). See you all there.


-Antwan Crump.


One thought on “Thrust

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