Please Kill Me,
Greetings all of you linguistically liberal literary liars, (that’s not really an insult – it’s part of the job). So here we are, the new week is off and running, and once again we live another day knowing that success has not yet been enticed by our growing mental instability. No matter, until then I’ll gladly personify the crazy that has birthed your creativity.
I actually went out today (#humblebrag), it was a simple enough outing. Me and one of my close friends and two other people that I’m learning to like. After the standard “how are ya’s” and “let’s pretend to care deeply about each other’s lives” something unprecedented (for this particular group anyway (I’m the only writer- they’re all civilians)) -happened.
“So, Antwan what have you been up too.” – Oh shit! Are they actually giving ME a moment to flex? (I’m damaged enough, So I took the opportunity to remind them that they’re mortal.)
For those of you who’ve read more than one or two of my blog posts, you have a pretty good idea about the level I’m currently operating on. That’s not a brag or a shot at anyone at all (I’m just sort of crunching the numbers).
The vocal onslaught of my ambitions (both surpassed and to be achieved) -flowed from my soul and into their minds as purely and dutifully as the clearest piece of fiction that I’d ever written. At every moment of minor disbelief – there was my phone -with the various: blog posts, podcasts, short stories, novels, poetry collections, among tons of literary correspondence emails – corroborating things that , a year ago -even to me- would seem absurd and impossible.
Don’t get the wrong idea. There was nothing malicious about it. I sort of just read the room. With every new piece of information , I could tell that they wanted to hear more. Their eyes lit up – in a way that I had foolishly thought only creatives could understand. Not to say that these people have no creative luster betwixt their cheeks, just saying that if they do, it’s thus far gone unexpressed.
In this moment, I had accomplished one of the things that I hadn’t even known was on my “screw you reality” checklist. I inspired people. And damn it, if I didn’t see it in real time.
They made a point (once I was tired and dehydrated) to inform me that what I had been attempting to do was “fucking nuts” in addition to involving WAY more work and time than any single person has. I smiled, because just like that – I understood what makes us (creatives) special.
We are not bound by these thoughts of limits and constraints. We can not be told what to do, how to do it, and least of all -how much we must give of ourselves to accomplish these seemingly impossible things.
Don’t get me wrong, we aren’t all high as a kite – swinging from telephone lines. But it does take a certain controlled state of delusion- to do what we do. I believe that this is because, once we’ve fully dedicated ourselves to this one calling, we morph into something greater than ourselves, and with the discovery of our capacity to exist beyond the binds of the civilians – we become the movers and shakers of our own destiny. Puppetmasters in our own lives, existentially owning our limitations – by annihilating them. And that my friends, is the true result of creative growth and artistic freedom.
Change into that,