Insanity

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

How goes it – my youthfully optimistic, yet willfully undermined? Ah, it feels good to get back to basics (believe it, or not – ranting my guts out- has been starting to make this particular writer, quite weary). Yes, I’ll admit -I’ve been a bit unfocused. I will take complete fault for that. However – in my humility, I’ve acknowledged an internal pitfall. (Admitting this, makes me more humble than you :-p). That something? Insanity.

By nature, creatives are drawn toward strange and otherwise abstract thought. Yes – it is true that this drives a decent portion of the pack – what interests me, however – is the “at what cost?” –  of it all.

We sacrifice our minds, our bodies, our finances, our friends, (fuck) – even our families – for our one belief. The belief that -what we have (and can give)  is worth losing it all, despite the possibility of never having it again. We may not all have to make that decision (circumstances may vary – and this may sound a little prejudice – but

Now, we may not all have to make that decision (circumstances may vary – and this may sound a little prejudice – but lineage is a factor in this specific arena. Don’t worry. I won’t speak on that – for once, it’s not my place), but for the majority of us – who are gambling big- I hope you’re considering this (lest you drift into an insanity, that can’t be fixed).

The detriment caused by our level of dedication serves as the ultimate –Catch 22. (For my foreign friends – that means you win, but you also lose.) Insanity, at least as I understand it – is the culmination of multiple mental breaking points. Your patterns slowly change, until eventually- you’re no longer you. Don’t be ashamed. It’s a product of being overwhelmed and stressed (It happens to the best of us – except me).

*Sips vodka* .

(Okay, maybe even me). My point is that insanity is a symptom of creativity. It’s not to be feared. But we need to understand it.

I don’t warn often, (though, maybe I should) – but I simply don’t believe in deterring people from their passion. That being said , this may deter you from your passion, (just keep in mind that if something can stop you – you may not be meant for it) #HarshButTrue.

As an author, you will inevitably hit the point, where you are so far gone that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore (you’ll likely experience this when trying to spread your work – and/or – prove your worth). It’s a slippery slope,( that trails into your self-esteem, and exits through your rectum) that can consume you.

The best thing you can do for yourself when experiencing this (in my own humble opinion), is to allow yourself to feel it. Call a friend or close relative, explain the situation to them, and ALLOW them to help you ride it out. You should do this for two IMPORTANT REASONS.

1.) You Need To Feel This – Like any first love, it will hurt the most. Refusing this essential step in your own artistic growth is like kicking your inspiration in the gonads. This -pain/insanity- you feel (like it or not) is the bridge between your dreams and reality. Allow your mental state to acclimate. Evolution is never easy, especially when contained in a single vessel (you). Just keep your psychological spotter on hand to balance out what’s good, and what may bring about the apocalypse – within your mind.

*Sidenote – Please don’t bring about the apocalypse. #DickMoveBro.

2.) The Lesson – What you learn from the experience will not only enlighten you, and make you wiser- but it will also give you an infallible truth. Maybe your one of those people who only need to be told something once. But, just think of all the good you’ll be doing for your readers and yourself, especially knowing that from this point forward – everything you think and say (in and outside of your works), are validated – by emotions that have sprung from the purest of places- your OWN heart, your OWN soul, your OWN mind, and your OWN experiences.

Value the turmoil, and as always don’t let it devour you. One more thing,  if you start hearing voices or seeing unicorns FUCKING GET HELP! We’ve already got enough crazies.

*Second Sidenote – Crazy Kanye West-type rants are also unacceptable (I’ll admit it…. Although, once again begrudgingly, I am guilty of this. Sorry. But also not really).

Hulk Sleepy,

-Antwan Crump.

P.S. – (And I’ve learned this from recent experience. If you’re drunk – STAY OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA! ES NO BUENO!) #AlsoGuilty.

P.P.S – *Hulk Snore*….. (En Espanol). “Gggggggg……”.

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