* Awakens suddenly from bourbon fueled rage “My Blog!” he yells, before teleporting to his laptop (via Uber)*

 

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Hello all out there in Bronco-land (it is officially Bronco-land until Peyton Manning declares other wise) Hope you all enjoyed the game and have had a pleasant week thus far, because now Deacon 80 proof is here with another lesson, from the how to journal of writing your Jewy little hearts out, (is that anti-semetic, nah. I’ll try harder).

Anyway now to talk about possibly the least fun part of writing, actually getting the warm bodies in the matrix to read your mini-manifestos and what to do with that attention. I suppose since I’m in the experimental phase of this myself I may not be the best person to give advice on this, but than again, those who’ve broken in, probably closed the door upon entry. That’s the trouble with this Road to Mastery business. Infinite ways in, but only one pass per tunnel; thus the spawning of the Bukowski’s who say “F*ck it, I’m walking.”

So I guess, you can consider this my gift, a little strategy on my part, a little note-taking on yours, and we can go about our merry morbid ways. (Should I be less bleak, nah, we’re all adults here, and if your not GOOD FOR YOU, YOU KNOW LIFE IS MORE THAN TWITTER. Just KEEP IT OFF OF INSTAGRAM! Donald Sterling reference, welcome back to alienation young folk.) Okay this is going off the cliff, *backs away slowly.*

Exposure is arguably the second most vital part of becoming an author. Of course there’s writing the damn thing, and all the painstaking editing that comes with that. However to actually be able to sustain (and for most of us) fulfill this lifestyle, we’ve got to have an audience, an appeal, a gimmick, a unique attraction, likability, and above all complete and utter disregard for reality.

As most would tell you these kinds of ambitions are for naught, but for those of you writing (or any other art form for that matter) for a higher purpose (other than financial), this may assist. At the very least, know your not alone. Those with multiple personalities already knew that, but on second thought your probably to busy in conversation (with the mirror) to have caught that comment, so why bring it up? Never mind moving on.

 Seed –  Audience – If you’re like any other person with a point of view or idea who decides that it needs to be documented, chances are it’s because you want people to read it. Whether it be because you feel it will help an individual or the masses, entertain, or maybe your just a narcissistic prick (most of us are all three) because no audience is built in, you as the writer have the responsibility of finding your niche. This can be difficult at times, especially if your just now searching for one, but it’s always good to start close to home. Start with friends and family, who you know may show an interest in what you’ve written. Though your particular work may not be they’re cup of tea, those who do enjoy it, will give you an idea of what your audience looks like. After that take to the forums (on the many literary sites, literally type in literary forum, THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF THEM. these sites contain both seasoned, and amateur writers (and readers oddly enough) hungry for possibly your literary candor. Don’t get nervous, take a shot and jump in. This will help you slowly build an audience. *Sidenote – Stay in touch with people, communication helps build relationships, and in return a loyal following. Be good to them, they’ll reward you ten-fold.

Find – Appeal/Gimmick – Now don’t go thinking that your hot jizz, just because you’ve gathered a mini Charles Manson-esque cult. People won’t stick around for a cardboard dick (at least not for one with no appeal. DON’T USE A GIMMICK!). Your writing gives you a chance to highlight your strengths for people. Be it kindness, weakness, dominance, fear, hate, love, etc. Who you are will show through your writing anyway. Don’t go on some tangential tirade of personality shifts. People can smell fake. Fake smells, like a lot, like between John Goodman’s ass cheeks on a hot African safari A LOT! Be you, that’s your appeal, and if you don’t have one, chances are you aren’t much of a writer either, so stop, be a journalist, and leave the creativity to the masters at hand, okay pumpkin. Hey; you want lies, go to church.

•   Maintain– Unique Attraction/Likability – These two at least to me go hand in hand. No one wants to read a rehash of PEWDIEPIE or a literary version of Kevin Hart. On the same token you go to stale and they may as well be watching the news. I have a firm belief that your writing (or whatever you do that is expressive) is firmly rooted in who you are. (Maybe that makes what I’ve written so far a little more understandable. I should change it, BUT I’M COMMITTED DAMN IT!!!) That being said find the best of you, by which I mean your likable voice, and channel that into your writing. This may be more for the bloggers and the poets, but I believe fiction and creative non-fiction writers as well, could take a note. You channel that voice, and you almost don’t need to worry about sounding like someone else. It is yours and yours alone. As I said before, infinite tunnels #forareason. (Hate myself for that.)

And finally of course (“spacebar roll please”) tap, tap, tap, tap ,tap ……

Insanity– ( I’m Just Gonna Bold This Whole Thing. BWAH HA HA!) Exposure is like a drug. That’s why you have these crazy people all over the internet doing outlandish feats of stupidity for likes and follows. I don’t subscribe to that method, those people never last, and as discussed they’re a dime a dozen, not the best route for a writer, who is basically (when successful) the embodiment of longevity. That method though, is driven by the same insanity that will drive you, once building momentum, and becoming vastly more exposed. Some drink to cope, some sex to cope, some are just bat-shit, and not for nothing they need to be, the best advice I have for this is to channel it, find a confidant (shouldn’t be hard as long as you’ve stayed in contact with your audience. Chances are they’ll not only love the updates, but they won’t be thrown because as I also said, they know the real you.) So at that point you can stand up and shout FREE THERAPY BEOTCHES!!!!

So to wrap it up, as best I can, exposure can be a foul mistress, and tough to handle, depending on your personality ( but let’s face it, most of us are soft-souls). So hopefully with my scatter-brained advice, and a little luck, you could gain, maintain, and cope, with it.

Naked and Exposed XXX,

Antwan Crump