The Fluster Cluster-Buster

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

It happens to the best of us. Right? One minute, you’re awash with the tingly numbness of nothing to do. The next, you’re knee deep in a career that you’ve courted for the majority stake of your twenties and living a life that you didn’t see coming.

That sounds bad, doesn’t it?

Well (checks notes), IT’S NOT (mostly),


A little context (to be honest, you don’t really need it but, #I’mVain #DealWithIt #BUTDON’TLEAVE #I’mAlsoInsecure) :

My last few months on this site have been a little spotty (to say the least). Due to the ever-encompassing nature of the business, I simply don’t have the time for the elongated rants (mostly about puppies and evil bread-loaves) that I’d once been privy to. (I’ve got this weird aura of prestige around my writing now… which is a nice consolation prize.)

*rolls eyes*

Anyway, in lieu of rants-passed, I thought that instead, I could treat you all to the actual fruit (as opposed to the seed that it sprouted from).

For the laymen (#LaidMen #HighFive #Don’tMeTooMe), that means that I’ve been giving you some (rough) completed works as opposed to whatever the hell it is that I usually do.

Thus, these were born:


Synopsis: Inspired by the illustrious(ly frustrating) Coen Brothers, this haphazard tale follows a series of murders in a small California town.


Synopsis: An allegorical flash fiction piece that (generally) encapsulates my feelings toward the ever-growing prominence of societal echo-chambers.

(The f#ck?)

Translation: Allegory of the Cave (#CrumpStyle)

Luke Benson Case Files: Case 0043 – “The Lady and the Lamp”

Synopsis: For any fans of my ongoing Luke Benson series, this little prequel ought to satiate whatever (sickness?) longing you’ve had. (At least until I figure out how the hell to end it).

I Held a Gun (Excuse Me Mr. President)

Synopsis: I seriously don’t think that I can provide a better synopsis than the title (and I’m tired…#SoTired #AndHot #Tired&Hot).

For students, I also wound up writing a nifty little article, “How To Write An Essay,” in one of my more lucid moments.

*Sidenote: There also MAY or MAY NOT be another short story, that MAY or MAY NOT have been on my site for a few days, before it MAY or MAY NOT have been accepted by FlashFictionMagazine.*

#Accepted #BEOTCH!!!

*looks at Lawyer*

*Lawyer gives thumbs-up*

*stoic nod*

So, for any (poor soul?) person who’s been missing me, I hope that my brief stints of insanity (presented above) were enough to tide you over.

Why the hell am I so busy, you ask? (#YouDidn’t).

Short answer: Work.

Which is a damn good reason to be preoccupied, by the way (especially in this creative field that we call home).

I’ve gone into my writing career in bits and pieces (as I will continue to do because I’m not a cult-leader #Yet), but I’ve made a point of sharing any information that I think could be of use to you.

In that, I may have erred.

Truth be told: I have no idea what any of you will find useful. Particularly, with little context, most of my dribblings kind of act as motivational quotes (or confessions of a madman #BunnySlippers).

For that, we’ll spoil the mystery. Here is a comprehensive, step-by-step guide as to how I became a full-time writer:

You ready?


You sure?


Here it comes!!!! (#Phrasing)

1.) I quit my job.

2.) I worked/wrote my ass off.

It’s literally that stupid simple.

I realized, a long time ago, that the journey isn’t necessarily the part worth sharing. For 3 years, I worked as a supervisor at CVS. Prior to that, I worked at a supermarket. Prior to that, college-student/Domino’s Shift Supervisor (the whole “Supervisor” title doesn’t necessarily equate to glamour).

They were “do-nothing” jobs for “do-nothing” people and I was (at the time) doing nothing. Bills were piling up, friends were wed (careers or spouses), and I remained adrift–in search of a life worth living.

I found writing.

From that moment forward, it’s been a non-stop rollercoaster of having money, not having money, chasing notoriety, small leaps forward, and (of course) likely the best life that I could have asked for.

It suits me.

I suit it.

It’s as stupid simple as that.

I tell you that, to tell you this: It works.

Through all of the {Insert List of Things We Go Through Here}, I must admit that it is a fascinating and joyous ride (with equal parts pain and suffering #EarnIt). Beyond that, it’s a craft that has somehow led me closer to answering the question that we all ask ourselves:

What is my purpose? (#RickandMorty)

Answer: To endure the flustered clusters that oppose you and VANQUISH YOUR ENEMIES become their fiercest foe.

Or simply,

Become a FLUSTER CLUSTER-BUSTER (#TrademarkPending).

My long days and seamless nights may not yet be at an end (hopefully no time soon, anyway). Despite that, I’ll continue popping in with whatever sporadic hearsay incites my vigor (#WordWhore #TakeThatMarkTwain #Don’tQuoteMe).

In any case, I hope that you’re all doing well and still as ravenous as I recall…

If not, even better.

*Write About It*


Ostensibly Yours,

-Antwan Crump.




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