Where the Hell Were You?

(Image Courtesy of – Nostalgia!)

(“Oh, how I miss when things were simple.”)


Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Greetings my mythical magistrates of mythos (and I suppose some non-fiction as well)… How the hell are you? Should your month be going as planned – then we are halfway through it, (and you’re a few weeks closer to going completely bald #RealHairTruther). 

However, failing any {Insert Gender Here} patterned baldness -it’s still a day of the week and that means that I’ve got some textual pageantry to perform.

*puts on hula skirt*

*places bowl of fruit on head*

*removed from public park*

Oh, how I’ve missed you, boys and girls. For the two of you worried sick about where I’ve been, NEVER FEAR!! – I’m alive- (or at least that’s what my creditors keep assuring me). Fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on your side of my audience), I’ve actually had a few wishes come true.

Due to that fact, I’m currently in the throws of a few contractual obligations, (that I used to call “HOLY SHIT THEY’RE PAYING ME!!!! I DID IT!!! #LongCon) my time has been spread a little thin. (#BooHoo #Where’sOurFreeLiteraryBuffoonery?). Well, my friends, I’m working on getting myself to stick to a schedule that can accommodate it all.

However, despite my relative absence as of late; some of you frequent flyers to my site, may have noticed that I’ve been (sort-of) compensating by giving you all a free hot dose of me (#SoundsNastierThanItIs #LET IT!!!!! #Le’ Tit?). So for those of you that have been hurting for a taste of my imagination, there’s that.

OH>>>> And also this one that I’ve released today >>>>(#MisleadingArrows)>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Emilia and the Bell Tower.

It’s a jaunty short tale of a little girl, a train, a Bell Tower, and some very strange things going on (#NarniaStrange NOT!!! #CosbyStrange). Anywho, I enjoyed writing it, and I hope that you enjoy reading it.

And with that, ladies and gents, I’ve got to get back to the dungeons before they realize that I’ve gone astray. I’ll do my best to pop in a little more often (so you can expect a bunch of free stuff… that isn’t just me rambling).

Oh, and if you haven’t- my book: Tourmaline: A Collection of Things – is still available on Amazon Kindle (sure, you can get it for free on my site… or you can support your favorite sociopath #NoPressure #ALittlePressure.)

*stares at you too long*

In any case, you can expect part two of that fairly soon. (I’m going to try to quicken the pace on these things since you all seem to like them).

Okay. I’m done. (#ForNow). I’ll see you all later for more updates and jargon of the like. Remember to check out my stuff, and as always {Insert Motivational Quote Here}.


Drop-Kick Your Tuesday,

-Antwan Crump.

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