Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Greetings and happy Thursday my trivially tortured artistic toilers (okay, okay – we get it. you like alliteration – MOVE ON!). *shouts to inner voice* – “Alright then, fine”. If all has gone well, than most of you have returned to me with closed mouths, open minds, (and a myriad of sacrificial lambs) – okay maybe not the last one. Anyway-

Beginning (otherwise known as the part of 2017 that NO ONE looked forward to).

As artists, we tend to have a a plethora of ideas, that we hope will one day develop into the GREATEST WORK OF ALL TIME. So great in fact, that we win awards, praise, recognition, (a second basket of free bread at a high-end restaurant), etc. The problem is that as naturally imaginative people, we tend to get lost in the plausible potential – so deep in fact that we almost forget the work that it takes to not only get those pages written, but written well.

The biggest issue that I find with these “over imaginatives”, (that word is patent pending, if you use it and I’ll sue #TrumpsAmerica) – is that once it comes to starting the damn thing, they get entirely lost – worse yet- the fantasies that had once driven their ambition begin to wane. This of course always leads to one of three authorial personalities. I’ll list them below (because the internet seems to like that sort of thing).

1.) The Fallout – The writer to be has been building up to the moment where they can finally sit down and write the “novel of their dreams”. They’ve told their friends, family, (strangers), etc. Then the day finally comes where they sit down in front of their computer, and all of those ambitious thoughts fade. What happens next (as it pains me to say #NotReally) – is a stream of consciousness type fiasco of words, sentences, and paragraphs – shoved together to make what essentially becomes a collage of random aimless poppycock (Ha, #Brits). The author loses hope, and the “novel” returns to the imaginary vortex from which it came. On a lighter note, not all of these authors stay in this stagnant matrix. Just be aware that it does exist, and (if you’re serious about this)- have a plan to get out of it.

2.) The Planner – The writer goes through the motions of setting themselves up for success , upon deciding to sit in the chair, they begin to write, after a few hundred words or so, they will re-read their work and have absolutely no desire to continue. This my friends, is a symptom of over planning and lack of ACTUAL confidence. A lot of writers like to plan their work to death. Though that may work for some – for most it evolves it to noting more than a daunting feat to live up to. Your first draft will never be that, and your beginning will most certainly be re-written. Lower your standards – or as a matter  of fact eliminate them. Just sit down and write. Writing a solid (not strong, SOLID) begins with understanding that you must walk the line between planning and complete spontaneity. As writers, we are essentially spirit walkers. We walk the line between the mortal world, and the infinitude of possible fantasies. Either of too much is a bad idea. Keep your eyes in front of you, ignore the tight-rope, and get to work.

3.) The Purest – The purest, is exactly what the purest is. Simply put – they don’t need my advice on how to begin a novel – they’ve done it (in their minds or on actual paper) time and time again. For them, I’m here simply for encouragement.

*coach voice*


*remembers he’s not a coach*

*keeps coach whistle anyway*

Anyway, I suppose that this post was less about telling you how to begin a novel and more a breakdown of the various kinds of author you could become when that fateful day finally arrives (hey, what do you want from me, this is FREE!).

So people, I suppose the message of the day, is to just show up for the job you’ve signed up for. I’m rooting for you (unless of course you write in the same genre as I do – in which case I hope Trump “Makes Your Laptop Break Again” #Kidding #SinisterSmile).

Alright kiddies, I’ll see you another time – for some words in a language.

Begin with Passion, End with Pride,

-Antwan Crump.

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