Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Greetings and hello again my medieval midweek monsters – how goes it? If all has gone according to plan then you should be on your way to Ziwathinaho (#ShawshankRedemption #DidISpellThatRight?). In any case, it’s good to have you back – and even better to be back after a much-deserved hiatus from life (via Chicago). The wedding went well, by the way, for those of you curious about it (none of you were)  – you can hear more on the latest episode of The Writer’s Block Podcast (which until about a moment ago – I was too lazy to post).

Any wazzle, let’s get into it –

Expectation (otherwise known as, that thing you have -that’s always WAY too high, or WAY too low). So, as I’ve been tooling about for the last few years, I happened to have stumbled upon writing a novel (or several hundred pages of unadulterated gibberish – very soon you’ll be able to judge for yourself). In all honesty, once I put my mind to it – the rest of the process was formulaic enough.

Few edits here, rewrite there, (contemplating diving off of the Verrazano Bridge because I kept misspelling  anarcry (DAMN IT!!!) *anarchy* (it doesn’t look like a big deal, but trust me it’s maddening)), and all of the other steps that you no doubt have either been through or can assume.

So, of course following the tedious (and more often than not futile) task of attempting perfection – comes the moment of truth – the release. Now, before I move forward here I would be misleading you if I attempted to appear completely new at public exposure. I mean for Christ’s (Oprah’s?) sake – you’re on my blog – so needless to say, the pressure is somewhat reduced (however that does not mean that I’m beyond being nervous enough to shit a brick) *checks sturdiness of toilet paper* – (Don’t judge me. It’s freaking nerve-racking.)

Beyond worrying myself over uncontrollable external (and internal) factors – the next and likely biggest hurdle is Expectation. Will the book do well? Will people like it? Is this the end? Is this the beginning? (Can I run naked through the streets, and sing “I’m a big girl now”?) The answer to all of these questions will invariably be yes. Allow me to explain.

Expectation -like many things in life- is little more than a farce of imagination. It doesn’t really exist, (similar to failure, or an ethically moral politician). Instead, it acts as a sort of standard that we default to when faced with the unknown – that is of course why our barometer for it is always too low or too high. No true understanding of our range of success in the unknown can exist, until it is, well…known.

Let’s not dwell on expectation. Whether you have a novel, a short story, a blog, a podcast, (some kind of odd donkey show), whatever it is that you put you’re all into – just be proud of yourself for getting it done in the first damn place. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be excited, nor is it to say that you shouldn’t hope for your work to be seen and admired – it’s just saying to be happy that you had the ability to produce – everything extra is just that – extra.

Keep your expectations for you, just make sure they serve to benefit your art and not to hinder your ambition. Remember, the goal is to keep going – success often rewards the deludedly determined -not the discouraged.

Alright my pretties, that’s my word of the day. I’ll see you all tomorrow for something that’s readable.


(Ah, it’s good to be home.)

-Antwan Crump.


#Becoming Utopia.


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