UpHill 5: Conviction

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Welcome you weekend warriors (anxiously preparing for Friday’s dusk). As you know from yesterday (unless you’re the kind of douche-nozzle that skips to the end) , today I will be capping off my UpHill series.

Hopefully in your down times -or whatever human issue you have pertaining to writing- you can come back to this week on my blog and be inspired by my liquor-fueled ramblings. (Particularly this series, though – outside of this week, I usually just make fun of your artistic constipation. ((You see, right there? That’s why I ‘m ending it. I can’t hold back my cynicism any longer)) *drops to knees* “It ALL BURNS!!!”

*cough* – Sorry about that. Any what’s-it’s .

Conviction – Otherwise known as the difference between an earth shattering orgasm and a kind of drippy drizzled ejaculate. (I warned you I was going back to rated R.)

As creatives, we tend to deal with the strains of life quite differently from our peers (our equals caught up in the proper “plan” of life). Where they deal with problems (via therapy), we channel into our art. What they see as impossible, we see as the beginning. And on, and on. We just generally see the world as a more opportunistic place.

Now all that’s fine and dandy. The intrigue in this comes from two things. Your level of conviction and you’re understanding of that level of conviction. I’ll explain.

*Sidenote* – Bare with me, this may be a hard truth to swallow if you’re honest with yourself.  But I believe those meant to will persevere beyond it.

Your level of conviction can be a pretty aloof thing. It’s not something that can be identified by anyone other than the one who has it. I’ll go so far as to say that even that person, has no real control over it. It’s the amount of time and dedication that you not only want but need to give to your craft. It’s a constant beating on your own psyche that can only be satisfied by its’ fruition.

Your conviction in this sense can sort of be seen as your superpower. It’s the thing that you see in athletes, that pushes them beyond their limits to come out on top. It’s the thing you see in rescue workers, fireman, policemen, etc – that gives them the bravery to rush into the most dangerous of situations without a second thought. It’s the thing you see in the greatest of artists, that allows them to bend reality and perception – to make the impossible possible. This is where we find you.

As I said conviction is not something that can be taught or learned. It’s something innate. I believe that it lies dormant in everyone, though not everyone gets to reap the benefits of its’ presence. For those who do. understanding your level of conviction is something that you can control. Even more importantly, if we understand that level, it can lead us down the proper path.

Understanding your conviction is a bit less of a trick than actually identifying it. This can be tested through a simple question. “How much do I care?” Could you go a day or a week without working on your craft? Is “just good enough” a satisfactory thing to you. Is perfectionism your immediate worry? Whose it for? Ask yourself these things. Are you die hard? or “Dumb hobby?”. Depending on the answer, you’ll know if you should be sharing with friends and family, or if the world should know what you’re up too in that laboratory.

I’m not going to spoon feed you. Chances are that you have already identified yourself (even before you’ve read this post). Just remember you are what you were meant to be, and in that niche, you will find your peace and greatness. (Or lack there of.)

Alright guys, I’m putting the philosophical writer stuff to bed for a little while. Should you miss it, I invite you to re-read this week’s posts. I must move on because I’m getting the “Buddha belly” (and I don’t want the “Gandhi bald head” to follow) *gets on treadmill*.

I’m probably going to cap off this week with a short story and come back swinging on Monday. Your only job is to survive until then, I’ll do my part.

Enjoy Your Weekend,

-Antwan Crump.

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