Build Up

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Okay, so I’m hopped up on Four Loko and hope (the Devil’s dynamic duo), I figured, admitting that now would help forego any judgement related nonsense. (Also, I would say hello; but I’m pretty sure you all get it by now.)

So, the “Build Up”. The pressure. That voice laying in the back of your head *whispering  “You’re gonna fail, and then everyone’s going to judge and hate you.” Scary.

Yes, it goddamn well is. However, that’s not the conversation that’s really happening, neither inward nor outward. #Spoilers #PCALERT I’m about to speak as earnestly and honestly as I’m capable of.

FUCK FEELINGS.

I get it, I truly do. You’ve worked your ass off, and now comes time to reap what you’ve sewn. The people question you, of course causing you anxiety. You question yourself (and sip from the fountain of despair), then it’s finally here. The moment you’ve been obsessing over forever, staring intensely in your direction.

The “Build Up”. It’s rough kids. Speaking from the standpoint of going through it for the first time, it’s fucking terrifying.

What I urge you to understand, is how little the build up actually means. The moment is intense -most definitely, but you must train yourself to see the meaningful. From root to vein, it’s about perspective, and you need to observe the moment (check your ego at the door, some moments will be more penetrating than others).

The despair exists simply to remind you that you’re human ( a ” soul-pulse check, if you will). Power through that and there lyes the glory of perspective. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll still be shitting bricks (however somewhat clairvoyant).

The beauty of all of this, is that your work does what you tell it to. There will be good and bad response, as is customary. Just remember that no one is perfect, and that’s what we bank on (how else would they relate to our work?).

The “Build Up”is an internal necessity. If we embrace that, then what we’ve done is more meaningful than we could have ever desired, because it didn’t just make someone feel something; it made you feel something. So run with it and exhile fear.

Totally just wrote a post that embodied my point,

-Antwan Crump.

P.S. : Just so you all know, I just built up ” Build Up ” – simply to prove the point that what you feel right now, is what build up leads to, a deep breath, a calm down, and another moment to grasp.

Seize the day. There will be more.

P.P.S. – (I hate plugs, but) Be on the look out for my novel Becoming Utopia.

Peace be with you chapel, you are dismissed.

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