Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Welcome boys and girls to the main event, (your honor I did not have relations with that novel, and even if I had, look at how it’s dressed. its frigging titillating. *Drools away from the bench) Any ker-doodles how are you all, I’m alright. Dealing with what I’m pretty sure is my the beginning of my second consecutive week of sobriety (disdainfully sips disgusting vitamin shake) “ehhhhh”. Hooray, I guess, for the record this has nothing to do with writing…… yet, it’s kind of this whole other personal experiment thing I’ve got going on, called can’t afford to be drunk. Take it how you want, but clarity blows almost as much as math #callbacks.

Moving on from that debacle I find the release date for my novel drawing nearer. Am I worried, nah. Anxious, nope. In denial, oh most definitely but I must press forward despite the meaningless task that is patience.

In all honesty my solution has literally been to ignore it completely whilst working on works that will inevitably be deemed superior, (king on the throne and what have you), despite this I am extremely excited about it and hope you all download “Becoming Utopia”, when it’s released on Kindle in April.

That being said lets talk priorities. The main thing that I’ve found on the “Road to the Mastery of the Craft” is that prioritizing can be kind of a pain in the ass. You have all of these things and ideas floating around your head all day, and when you finally get a moment to yourself to attack the task at hand they all seem to bombard the door to clarity, creating a mosh-kosh of misinformation and burdened anxiety.

*Side note* I’m currently going through this myself, attempting to balance my day to day (or in my specific case, night to night) life, finalizing Becoming Utopia, my ever increasing passion for poetry , (#Allpoetry RULEZ), my growing affinity for short stories, and lets see what else, oh yea my general struggle on the path to literary greatness and subsequently immortality. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

*Back on road* That clunky wallop can of course cause the worst of fates upon the brain, a thing that I have affectionately nicknamed the Fallout (patent pending).

Ill give you a practical example, consider a scale. pretty sturdy right? Yea of course unless your John Goodman, in which case you use the chin(s) method. If you don’t pay attention the pounds will just keep going and going, until one day you just up and break the fuckin thing. The mental version of this, is Fallout.

Now before I go any further I would like to concede that yea, this may affect people more actually when they go from having little to nothing going on, to an entire fuck-load of gargantuan galaxy’s orbiting their existence. Yea I get that, but it does take a toll all the same albeit to a lesser extent.

The reason Fallout is such a bad thing, is because without warning your mind will just kind of flat line. There is so much to do and so (perceived) little time, that the mere thought of it all can be exhausting, and thus oddly rewarding. It’s almost like a placebo, you’ve overloaded on nothing, but you’ve still overloaded, so you sit back with Netflix and think “Job well done”. That my mousy amigo is the trap and death sentence of Fallout.

I differentiate this from procrastination, because at least a procrastinator is well aware nothing is getting accomplished. In Fallout however, actual accomplishments (or lack there of) are hidden in the ether of the ever-spinning to do list in your head.

My cure for this? Well I’m glad you asked. This is going to sound very cheesy, and cliche, but I feel the way that I have done it, keeps my to-dos in perspective enough that I am (at least) well aware of what needs to be done, and not slave to it, you’re on your own for motivation here Jack, Jill, Caitlyn? Ehhh.

The way I’ve Xanexed this problem is with 1.) a Whiteboard 2.) To- Do list app 3.) This Blog. The whiteboard is good for the constants that no one wants to think about, bills, family occasions, meeting the folks (just get the gun), hold on one sec *Opens to do list app, add event, buy gun, place barrel in mouth* okay cool, I’ll pick a date later.

Any way the to to list app is great for you minor day to day things, that you may forget because they’re hard to think about because they’re often boring, or irrelevant for anything other then their purpose. Do yourself a favor and just do the damn thing. Remember the one minute rule. Never put off what you can get done in a minute or less. I think Oprah said that, who cares, fuck her, ITS MINE NOW #bucketlist , #stolefromoprah.

Lastly of course is this blog. You don’t need one per se, although being that most of you are writers, you probably have one already, in which case back me up on this. It’s good to have a place or thing to help sort out the random crap that flies around in your mental galaxy. It helps to put and keep things in perspective, and puts a knife to the throat of Fallouts false feeling of accomplishment and subsequent FAILURE AT LIFE!!!!

Okay maybe it’s not that serious, but you know it is. No finish line for Fallout, its like jerking off and never cumming, when you could of been on top of your shit and on top of (insert sexual desire here) jizzing up a storm. #BeProductive.


Until Next Time Young Padawans,

Antwan Crump



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