Purpose

Dear World

Please Kill Me,

Hey want to hear a bit of “common sense” advice I’ve learned? DO NOT ALLOW YOUR SOBER SUCCESS TO FUEL YOUR DRUNK EGO. Yea you know it’s been a few days since I’ve actually posted on here. Not that I haven’t thought about it, (I mean as much as anyone could , while double-fisting Jim Beam and what could potentially be the shittiest Vodka on this planet of Earth.).

Yep as some of you know, and all of you now do I apparently have a sort of drinking condition. I wouldn’t say problem, than I would have to go to meetings and crap like that. I think more so than the alcohol it’s my inner pessimism, finding a route through which to rear its ugly head. You see after a few dry, and otherwise sober minded activity, I had gotten to a place both in my book and in my life where, I was quite content. I was rounding out a passion project, posting regularly, hell I even impressed myself with how much I was able to get done once I actually sat down and did it instead of worrying about things that aren’t even happening yet. *Sidenote- that is a trait that most people try to spin as intelligence. Never be upset over anything these people do, trust me they’re dying inside.

So we face this issue of what to do. Stay sober any become one of these people obsessed over what I will always think doesn’t mean shit to the grand scheme of things, which honestly seems equally as pointless as just drinking through the days. Or as the latter suggests, drink through the days, spinning weakly and ineffectually with the knowledge that I almost did something. Ahh, crap . “That word almost” haunts me like the sexual encounter that reminds us to get tested.

It’s not all bleak though kids. I do believe in a third option, of which selling out, and keeping it real meet and become something that could potentially transcend the monotony of life that so many people cling to. I dare to ask the question, “WHY DO IT IF IT”S NOT FUN?” If you’re answer is “Because that’s just what people do” , than you can aptly get the FUCK off this page, and take that boring ass, I’m gonna go for a hike, while thinking about my sobriety, clicking on this screen full of people I only kinda met, who I want to know everything I just told you. Seriously if your that person, and don’t at least acknowledge how shitty of an existence someone could perceive you have, than please kill yourself, you’ve lost.

I suppose today’s lesson, is that somewhere within the mess of life, lye that perfectly redundant tragedy, that we don’t have to just stomach, but that we can enjoy as well. As a writer, I search for that purpose within the deep caverns of my ever present and often over-powering insanity. Walking that line is only treacherous for those who fear that there is nothing on either side of them, only the line beneath them, and that, whether that person is right or wrong, is an unacceptable way to traverse existence, and unbelievably infantile. I’ll have nicer words soon I’m sure. Kicked the juice for a few days, so the bitter old man comes out. But at least, he writes.

Tremendously Yours,

Antwan Crump

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