Disclaimer: This is a fan-made work of fiction. I do not own (nor do I want to… because, ya know) this intellectual property or any of the subsequent characters, locations, and situations (even though I wrote it…sigh). I will receive no monetary compensation for this work or any subsequent related work (…as if I had a f*cking choice). Any likeness to persons living or dead (or one identifying as the other) is completely and hilariously incidental. Thank you. Smooches. Ta-ta.