Please Kill Me
Alright, so this post is going to be a little different. I admit, I may have fallen into that weird “holiday blues” mentality but I feel like (mostly because I’m drinking) that this may be necessary. it’s probably not, but bare with me, and afterward I’ll get back to the regimen of literary knowledge and progression.
*Warning for those that do not have a heart, (or otherwise claim not to,) this isn’t for you.
I LOVE my family, with everything I have. The sad part is not that that I don’t know they love me back. I KNOW THEY LOVE ME BACK. If that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t consider them family. THAT’s THE FUCKING DEFINITION!!!!.
Sorry a little crass. Anyway, I kinda get this vibe from them as if I don’t reciprocate, and I just wanted to put it on record that I do. I just do it different. No Not the Lil Wayne kind of different, well in the get fucked up to deal with “Real” shit way sure, but the things we consider that serious are not the same.
I Love you all. if you could take a moment and try to put yourself in my shoes, and think about it for even 5 minutes, I’m sure you’d be a lot more forgiving of my tumultuous ways. It isn’t in spite of you. I don’t know if you do, and hope you never have felt that way. I am just trying to do something different that we can all benefit from.
Unfortunately that means I need to separate myself from everything that we’ve been taught, to make room for what needs to be learned. No family is perfect, I understand that. I also understand that no family can be, if everyone keeps attaching themselves to the past. No saying you are, but from were I’m standing, that’s what I see. I may be wrong. But the point of this is not to prove that or not. It’s to explain, why I choose distance, because no one else in this world can decipher things the same way you do. That is why we are all special. Sadly my perception includes separation.
I wish I could be as strong as all 3 of you. I am not that guy. I’m the guy that writes about it. Something I hope you can understand. My peace comes from absolution of self, because for lack of better words, I’ve gotten the world figured out 10 times over, and trying to explain it to people just doesn’t work, so I’ve settled for getting it and coming back. There is nothing I want more than for you all to be there when I do return. I Love you.