Dear World

Please Kill Me,

 

Good morning, noon, or evening, (or night if you’re either – 1.) In Alaska 2.) Bill Cosby during another sleepless night of self-reflection. or 3.) Just in a different time zone. Should of led with that.). As I do all the time, I hope you’ve all made it back here in one piece. Even if you did; this post may kill a few brain cells (insert wise remark about how they all do) , anyway let’s get to it.

So the last Top 10 was fun, even though it was more of a mixed bag of information. Allow me to add more irrelevancy to the vast sea of sed info. That’s right, Sir. Cocktails gonna do another. *Screams* “Bar-keep, get the olives and toothpicks. We’re goin’ for it.”

So, obviously by the title you know what this post is about. Sure there are a ton of iterations with a similar premise, but I just like to read myself. (Love starts at home kids.) #narcissist, #soalone, #soveryalone. Ah yes, just about drunk enough. So without further Adieu:

Fantastic Drunks and Where to Find Them: 10 Alcoholic Writers

1.) Charles Bukowski – Now I must admit, this is may be a little gratuitous considering his level of fame and popularity doesn’t quite add up to some of the other writers on this list. Despite that the poet, novelist, columnists’ work (Notes of a Dirty Old Man) was powerful enough to have him placed on the  FBI’s watch list. Bukowski often spent his days adrift in a drunken haze, a characteristic he shared with his protagonists (or antagonists, depending on your perception I guess.) – Drink: Vodka Straight.

2.) Edgar Allan Poe –  Again for those in the know, this isn’t all that groundbreaking of a list thus far (don’t worry it’s coming). The Raven author made this list, not only because of his awesome mix of opiates with alcohol , but the drink that he is rumored (and I believe mostly validated) to have been the biggest fan of. That drink of course is eggnog. That’s right kids, Papa Poe liked his sauce milky. The eggnog mixture was reportedly a family recipe that had been passed down to Poe. Jury’s out on whether or not he increased the liquor to egg ratio, but apparently he was crazy for the stuff. Drink: EggNog

3.) Stephen King –  Now it may come as no surprise that this mega author has done his fair share of “not so savory substances”. Including but not limited to (and this is true, I have the f*#king book.On Writing)  marijuana, cocaine, acid, and cough syrup. Before his decades of sobriety, Mr. King was essentially a rock star who happened to write (though fun fact he does have a band). Included in that “mamma’s nightmare cocktail” he ironically wasn’t a huge fan of actual cocktails preferring tea, and beer, he also allegedly doesn’t remember writing Cujo. Must have been Richard Bachman.   Drink: Beer

4.) Ernest Hemingway – One of the most influential writers of the 20th century, Ernest Hemingway tragically committed suicide at the age of 61. The now legendary author, trail blazed a writing style that had shifted the tone of literature, helping it evolve into what it has become today. Many an author still shoot (no pun intended) to reach the high bench mark that Hemingway had set, even decades later. Drink:  Whisky & Soda, Absinthe, and Daquaris.

5.) F. Scott Fitzgerald – Known for writing the “Great American Novel”, “The Great Gatsby” author, much like his literary counterpart enjoyed the sauce. Perhaps overly so as it led to serious alcohol related medical illnesses in his later life, and is thought to have contributed to his depression and ultimately death. It has been noted that at his funeral fellow author Dorothy Parker lowly cried “The poor son of-a-bitch”. A line from Jay Gatsby’s funeral in the book. Drink: Gin.

6.) George Carlin – Oh yes, this is that switch up that I was referring to a predictable while ago. I don’t think I need to defend this one too much, but with over forty years in show business, a ton of stand-up specials,not to mention some books, and writing credits. This man counts as much as the rest of them. Objections, didn’t think so. So after several stints in rehab and publications declaring his drug and alcohol abuse, this comedic legend eventually decided to take the topic head on, on several occasions even once be quoted “I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.” Drink: Undetermined.

7.) Richard Pryor – Sorry folks ( Not really) but it’s never right to do one without the other. During his comedic peak Richard Pryor was nearly as famous for drug and alcohol related antics (including but not limited to setting himself on fire and “killing his own car”) as he was for just being a genius, and inspiration for the genre. Though he mostly addressed his drug use, multiple biographies suggest that alcohol abuse in his youth encouraged the transition to harder substances. Growing up in a brothel will do that to you. Drink: Undetermined.

Okay, just always hated that those two were never included.

8.) William Faulkner – Yea, you knew he’d be on this list you lot of literary nerds. William novelist William Faulkner was known to to write with a bottle of whiskey near his side. It was rumored that this had always been a part of his process, and when not drinking it straight from the bottle, he favored a Mint Julep. Drink: Whiskey.

9.) Hunter S. Thompson –  before his death in 2005, the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas author, was yet another on this list who shared possibly a bit to much with the characters in the fictional world he created. Thompson was known for his writing style which often blurred the lines between reality and perspective. That trait reflected in his actual life, where he had multiple run ins with the law and a reputation for being a fan of *drumroll please*… Drink: Wild Turkey.

and finally…..

10.) Orson Welles – Possibly one of the more obscure names on this list, but seeing that he is often forgotten I figured it was time for a 21st century shout out. Mr. Welles was considered a prodigy in his time. After writing, directing, and starring in his now classic movie Citizen Kane , he was blacklisted by the very juggernaut, he had portrayed. (His name shall not be mentioned in these walls. #GameofThronesVoice). Shunned from Hollywood he developed and battled severe depression.He eventually fell into alcoholism then financial ruin. Drink: Scotch.

Alright team we did it. Interesting enough? Need a drink? Yeah, me too. I was going to go with the “ha-ha” funny stuff, but I genuinely became interested in the information, and I think that’s enough. Sometimes it is.

Hope you enjoyed it, and at the very least you know at least 10 people that were a little worse off than you at one point (or currently). Feel free to comment. I’ll be back tomorrow, with an all new……. Something. We’ll see, stayed tuned.

Until the Bar Closes,

Antwan Crump.

P.S. : Becoming Utopia (My novel) – will be available, exclusively on Kindle this year. *Fakes enthusiasm* “Aren’t we all excited!!!???” Check future posts for the release date.